The Quest for the Holy Gundam
by mitsukai-hime
Summary: The gundam boys and co. stuck in a Monty Python movie. It's finally finished! Well, what are you waiting for? Read! Review! Or I'll sic Quatre on zero on you...
1. Part Heero

Disclaimers: *sarcasm* Yeah, I own Gundam Wing *has random blunt objects thrown at her* okay, okay...please don't sue, you'd only get some change and a lot of manga. I'm not really sure who Gundam Wing belongs to, and the movie Monty Python and the Holy Grail belongs Python (Monty) Pictures. I belong to myself, thank you very much. Now on with the show!  
  
[Author steps on the stage wearing a blue fishtail gown, and sweatdrops when she realizes everyone else is only wearing jeans and t-shirts. She flicks it away, and steps up to the microphone at the middle of the stage]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: Welcome minna, to the opening of my first fic! Please review it! Anyhoo, I'd like to thank you all for coming and with out further ado...  
  
[nothing happens]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: *whispers* that's you cue!  
  
[a rope falls out of the sky. Mitsukai mutters something about having to do everything yourself and pulls it. The background on the stage falls away, revealing a huge TV screen, which starts playing...]  
  
And now...  
A chibi-angel inc. production of  
THE QUEST FOR THE HOLY GUNDAM  
Starring:  
Heero Yuy  
Duo Maxwell  
Trowa Barton  
Quatre Rabarba Winner  
Wufei Chang  
Zechs Marquise  
Treize Khushrenada  
Lucretia Noin  
Relena Darlian  
Dorothy Catalonia  
Catherine Bloom  
Sally Po  
Hilde Schbeiker  
Lady Une  
A famous historian  
Rebel troops  
Pro-Treize people  
Extras  
Oz troops with a silly French accent  
  
[We're sorry for the silliness of this introduction. Those who were responsible have been sacked]  
  
Scene 1  
  
[The scene opens with the wind blowing around the hilly ground. Out of the mist comes none other than- Heero, pretending to ride a horse, and his servant, who is banging to coconuts together. They stop at a castle]  
  
Soldier in Castle1: Who goes there?  
  
King Heero: It is I, Heero, adopted son of Dr. J, from the colony of L-1. King of the bishonen, defeater of OZ, sovereign of all the colonies!  
  
SiC1: Pull the other one!  
  
King Heero: I am, and this is my faithful servant Patsy. We have ridden across the land in search of knights who will join me in my court at Camelot. I must speak with your lord and master.  
  
SiC1: What, rode on a horse?  
  
King Heero: Yes.  
  
SiC1: But you're using coconuts!  
  
King Heero: Nani?  
  
SiC1: You've got two empty coconut halves and you're banging 'em together!  
  
King Heero: So? We have ridden far and wide, {'longe lateque' in Latin. And I thought taking Latin was a bad idea! See how much I've learned!} through winter, the Sank Kingdom, and-  
  
SiC1: Where'd you get the coconuts?  
  
King Heero: We found them.  
  
SiC1: In the Sank kingdom? The coconut's tropical!  
  
King Heero: So?  
  
SiC1: This is a temperate zone.  
  
King Heero: The swallow may fly south with the sun or the house martin or the robin may seek warmer climes in winter, but these are not strangers to our land.  
  
SiC1: Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?  
  
King Heero: They could be carried.  
  
SiC1: What, a swallow carrying a coconut?  
  
King Heero: He could grip it by the husk.  
  
SiC1: It doesn't matter where he grips it, it's a matter of weight ratios! A five-ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut.  
  
King Heero: Hn. Well, go tell your master that Heero from the court of Camelot is here.  
  
SiC1: Well, in order to maintain air-speed velocity, a swallow must beat its wings 43 times a second, right?  
  
King Heero: Omae o korosu.  
  
SiC1: Am I right?  
  
King Heero: I don't care!  
  
SiC2: It could be carried by an African swallow.  
  
SiC1: But not an European swallow, that's what I'm trying to say.  
  
SiC2: But then of course...no, African swallows are non-migratory.  
  
[Heero 'rides' away with a disgusted look on his face. Patsy follows.]  
  
SiC1: Yeah, they couldn't bring the coconut back anyway...  
  
SiC2: But what if two swallows carried it on a line?  
  
SiC1: You mean, held under the dorsal guiding feathers?  
  
SiC2: Well, why not?  
  
[Puts the TV on pause] That's it for now, folks. If you like it, I'll write more. But please review anyway. Constructive criticism, baby!  
  



	2. Part Duo

Disclaimers: If Gundam Wing belonged to me, I wouldn't be writing fanfics, now would I? Other than that, just read, review and enjoy! *starts up TV again*  
  
Scene two:  
  
[We see three men walking through a town full of sick people. Two are pushing the cart, but the more important one is behind the cart, banging a triangle with a stick and shouting:]  
  
Cart-master: Bring out your dead!  
*clang*  
Bring out your dead!  
*clang*  
Bring out your dead  
*clang*  
Bring out your dead!  
  
[Someone comes out to the cart and puts a dead body on it]  
  
Ninepence.  
*clang*  
Bring out your dead!  
*clang*  
Bring out your dead  
  
[Noin comes up to the cart, dragging a comatose Zechs behind her. She places him on the cart.]  
  
Noin: Here's one.  
  
Cart-master: Ninepence.  
  
Zechs: I'm not dead!  
  
Cart-master: Nani?  
  
Noin: Nothing. Here's your ninepence.  
  
Zechs: I'm not dead!  
  
Cart-master: There. He says he's not dead.  
  
Noin: Yes he is!  
  
Zechs: I'm not!  
  
Cart-master: *sweatdrops* he isn't?  
  
Noin: *also sweatdrops* you aren't?  
  
Zechs: ^^v Well, I'm getting better.  
  
Noin: No you aren't. You'll be stone dead again in a moment.  
  
Cart-master: I can't take him like this. It's against regulations.  
  
Noin: Could you wait a minute then? He couldn't have come back to life for long.  
  
Cart-master: Nah, I got to head over to Une's, she's lost nine today.  
  
Noin: Well, when are you coming back?  
  
Cart-master: Thursday.  
  
Zechs: I think I'll pilot a mobile suit...  
  
Noin: You're not fooling anyone. Look, isn't there something you can do?  
  
Zechs: *starts singing 'Rhythm Emotion'*  
  
[The cart-master whacks Zechs on the head, silencing him]  
  
Noin: Ah, thank you.  
  
Cart-master: No problem. See you on Thursday.  
  
[King Heero and Patsy "ride" by]  
  
Noin: Who was that?  
  
Cart-master: Dunno. Must be a king.  
  
Noin: Why?  
  
Cart-master: He hasn't got shit all over him.  
  
Scene 3:  
  
[The King Heero music is playing in the background. King Heero and Patsy ride up to a person covered in rags pulling a wagon. In fact the only human feature that's showing is a long chestnut brown braid *wink wink nudge nudge say no MORE!*]  
  
King Heero: Old woman!  
  
[The person turns around]  
  
Person: Man!  
  
King Heero: Man. Sorry. What knight lives in that castle over there?  
  
Person: I'm 15!  
  
King Heero: I- what?  
  
Person: I'm 15. I'm not old.  
  
King Heero: Well I can't just call you 'man'.  
  
Person/Duo: Well, you could say 'Duo'  
  
King Heero: I didn't know you were called 'Duo'.  
  
Duo: Well, you didn't bother to find out, did you?  
  
King Heero: Well, I am sorry about the whole 'old woman' thing, but from behind-  
  
Duo: What I object to is that you automatically treated me like an inferior!  
  
King Heero: Well I AM king.  
  
Duo: Oh king, eh, very nice. And how did you get that, eh? By exploiting the workers! By 'anging on to outdated imperialist dogma which perpetuates the economic and social differences in our colonies. If there's ever going to be any progress with the-  
  
[Hilde comes up]  
  
Hilde: Duo, there's some lovely filth down here- oh! How d'you do?  
  
[Hilde and Duo start piling mud onto a cloth]  
  
King Heero: Hn. I am Heero, king of the bishonen. Whose castle is that?  
  
Hilde: King of the who?  
  
King Heero: The bishonen.  
  
Hilde: Who're the bishonen?  
  
King Heero: We all are.  
[Heero sweatdrops]  
well, I'm king of the bishojo too.  
  
Hilde: I didn't know we had a king. I thought the colonies were an autonomous collective.  
  
Duo: You're fooling yourself. We're living in a dictatorship. A self-perpetuating autocracy in which the working class-  
  
Hilde: Oh, there you go, bringing class into it again...  
  
Duo: But that's what it's all about! If only-  
  
King Heero: Please, good people, I am in haste. Who lives in that castle over there?  
  
Hilde: No one lives there.  
  
King Heero: Then who is your lord?  
  
Hilde: We don't have a lord.  
  
King Heero: NANI?  
  
Duo: *mushroom cloud sigh* I told you, we're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns. To act as a sort of executive officer for the week-  
  
King Heero: Hn.  
  
Duo: But the decisions of that officer have to be ratified at a bi-weekly meeting-  
  
King Heero: *getting irritated with Duo* Hn.  
  
Duo: By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs-  
  
King Heero: Shut up.  
  
Duo: But by a two-thirds majority in more-  
  
King Heero: Shut up! I order you to shut up!  
  
Duo: Order, eh? Who do you think you are?  
  
King Heero: KING!!  
  
Hilde: Well, I didn't vote for you.  
  
King Heero: You don't vote for kings.  
  
Hilde: So how'd you become king?  
  
[Angels start singing]  
  
King Heero: The author of the fic, her nails clad in shimmering purple nail polish, held aloft Wing Zero from the fog, signifying by divine providence that I, Heero, was to pilot Wing Zero.  
  
[Angels stop singing]   
  
Duo: Listen, strange women standing in mist is no basis for a system of government! Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not some fascicle bad weather ceremony.  
  
King Heero: Be quiet!  
  
Duo: If I went 'round saying I was an emperor just because some moistened bint had lobbed a mecha at me, they'd put me away!  
  
King Heero: Omae o korosu!  
[Grabs Duo and starts shaking him]  
  
Duo: Oh! Come see the violence inherent in the system. Help! Help! I'm being repressed!  
  
King Heero: Bloody peasant!  
[Reluctantly drops Duo and 'rides' away]  
  
Duo: What a giveaway! You heard that! You heard that, didn't you? That's what I'm all about! Did you see him repressing me? You saw it, didn't you?  
  
[Puts TV on pause] Well, that's all for now! Please review! Pretty please? I'll try to post 2 or 3 scenes at a time from now on. Now, what are you waiting for? Tell me what you think! Happy New Year, everyone!  
  
  



	3. Part Trowa

Disclaimers: I don't own Gundam Wing. And I bet you don't either. But if you do, I'd be more than willing to buy it from you with what little money I have.  
Mitsukai-hime: Welcome back! Thank you to everyone who read parts one and two. Hehe, next scene happens to be my fav scene in the original movie. Also, you might want to skip part 5 if you're a Relena fan. I'm sorry, but I just don't like her. Wait a minute, I'm not sorry! And if Duo showing up again confuses you, that's because in the original movie, the characters are mostly played by the same 7 people, the Monty Python guys. So I'm doing almost the same thing here, except with the Gundam boys. Hope I haven't just made you more confused ^^; *Hits play button*  
  
Scene 4  
  
[We see King Heero and Patsy riding through the forest. The scene then cuts to a black knight and a green knight fighting. The scenes cut back and forth for awhile, until King Heero and Patsy reach the area where the two knights are fighting. The black knight eventually throws his sword at the other knight, stabbing him in the hole in the visor (yeah, this is kinda yucky, but in the MP movie, the blood is so fake it's funny. Gomen, those of you with weak stomachs). The black knight reaches over, gets his sword back and goes to stand in front of the nearby bridge.]  
  
King Heero: You are very brave, Sir Knight.  
[The knight appears to ignore him. Heero pauses, then continues]  
I am Heero, king of the Bishonen.  
[another pause as he waits for the knight to say something]  
I seek the finest and strongest knights to join me in my court at Camelot.  
[Waits, then figures the knight is waiting for him to continue]  
You have proven yourself worthy. Will you join me?  
[Knight still does nothing]  
You make me sad. Come, Patsy.  
[They 'ride' up to the bridge. The knight doesn't move]  
  
Black Knight (who sounds a lot like Wufei, hint hint): None shall pass.  
  
King Heero: Nani?  
  
Black Knight: None shall pass. What are you, stupid?  
  
King Heero: I have no quarrel with you, but I must cross this bridge.  
  
Black Knight: Then you shall die.  
  
King Heero: I command you, as king of the bishonen, to stand aside!  
  
Black Knight: I don't move for weaklings like you.  
  
King Heero: Omae o korosu.  
  
[The knight and Heero start fighting, as Patsy watches from behind a tree. Heero   
manages to cut the knights arm off]  
  
King Heero: Now stand aside!  
  
Black Knight: It's only a scratch.  
  
King Heero: I cut your arm off!  
  
Black Knight: No you didn't.  
  
King Heero: Then what's that? *Motions to cut off arm*  
  
Black Knight: I've had worse.  
  
King Heero: You liar!  
  
Black Knight: Come on, you weakling!  
  
[The two continue fighting. Heero cuts the knight's other arm off]  
  
King Heero: Victory is mine! *kneels* Oh lord, I thank you that in your- hey!   
  
[The black knight starts kicking Heero]  
  
Black Knight: Come on, have at you!  
  
King Heero: You are brave, but the fight is mine.  
  
Black Knight: Oh, had enough, eh?  
  
King Heero: Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms.  
  
Black Knight: Yes I do!  
  
King Heero: Than what's that?  
  
Black Knight: Just a flesh wound.  
  
King Heero: *sighs* Look, could you stop it?  
  
Black Knight: Onna! Onna!  
  
King Heero: Hn.  
  
[Cuts Knight's right leg off]  
  
Black Knight: I'll do you in for that!  
  
King Heero: You'll what?  
  
Black Knight: Come over here!  
  
King Heero: What are you going to do, bleed on me?  
  
Black Knight: I'm invincible!!  
  
King Heero: You're a looney.  
  
Black Knight: The Black Knight always triumphs! Come on, have at you!  
  
[Heero cuts the knights last leg off]  
  
King Heero: All right then, we'll call it a draw.  
  
[Heero sheaths his sword and rides away with Patsy]  
  
Black Knight: Oh, I see. Running away, eh? You weak onna! Come back here and take what's coming to you. I'll bite your legs off!  
  
Scene 5:  
  
[A bunch of monks walk by carrying books. They start chanting:]  
  
Monks: Pie Iesu domine, Dona eis requiem. {I'm not completely sure what this means, But I think has something to do with Jesus...}  
[They start hitting themselves on the head with the books]  
Pie Iesu domine,...  
*Whap*  
Dona eis requiem,...  
*whap*  
Pie Iesu domine,...  
*whap*  
Dona eis requiem,...  
  
[An angry mob runs by, dragging Relena with them. She's wearing a carrot on her nose, and clothing that almost looks like the witch costumes you see kids dressed up as. The crowd continues yelling 'a witch! A witch!' as they drag her up to a little stage-like thing. Duo is standing on top of it, wearing a knight's costume with a visor thing he can see through, but flips up everyone once in a while anyway]  
  
Villager 1:We have found a witch! May we burn her?  
  
Crowd: Burn! Burn! Burn her!  
  
Duo: How do you know she is a witch?  
  
Villager 2: She looks like one!  
  
Crowd: Yeah! Yeah! Burn!  
  
Relena: I am not a witch!  
  
Duo: But you are dressed as one.  
  
Relena: THEY dressed me up like this!  
  
Crowd: No we didn't !   
  
Relena: And this isn't my nose, it's a false one!  
  
[Duo pulls on the nose, revealing her real one beneath it]  
  
Duo: Well?  
  
Villager 1: Well we did do the nose...  
  
Duo: The nose?  
  
Villager 1: And the hat. But she's a witch!  
  
Crowd: Yeah, yeah! Burn her!  
  
Duo: Did you dress her up like this?  
  
Villager 1: No.  
  
Villager 2: No, no.  
  
Villager 3: Nope.  
  
Villager 2: No.  
  
Villager 1: No.  
  
Villager 3: No.  
  
Villager 1: Yes.  
  
Villager 2: Yeah.  
  
Villager 1: Yeah, a bit.  
  
Villager 3: A bit, a bit.  
  
Villager 2: A bit.  
  
Villager 1: She has got a wart! *points it out*  
  
Duo: Well, what makes you think that she is a witch?  
  
Villager 3: Well, she made me go SD!  
  
Duo: Super deform?  
  
[Pause]  
  
Villager 3: I got better.  
  
Crowd: Burn! Burn her anyway!  
  
Duo: Quiet, quiet. There are ways of telling if she is a witch.  
  
Villager 2: There are?  
  
Villager 1: Tell us!  
  
Crowd: Yeah, tell us, tell us!  
  
[King Heero and Patsy ride up]  
  
Duo: Well, what do you do with witches?  
  
Crowd: Burn! Burn them!  
  
Duo: And what do you burn apart from witches?  
  
Villager 3: More witches!  
  
Villager 1: shhh!  
  
Villager 2: Wood!  
  
Duo: So why do witches burn?  
  
Villager 1: *pauses* Because...they're made of...wood?  
  
Duo: Exactly!   
  
[Crowd oohs and aaahs]  
  
Duo: So how do you tell if she is made of wood?  
  
Villager 3: Build a house out of her!  
  
Duo: Ahh, but can you not also build houses out of stone?  
  
Crowd: Oh yeah, yeah.  
  
Duo: Does wood sink in water?  
  
Villager 1: No, no.  
  
Villager 2: It floats!  
  
Villager 1: Throw her into the pond!  
  
[Crowd starts cheering and is about to pull Relena away]  
  
Duo: Wait! Now, what also floats in water?  
  
Villager 3: Mud!  
  
Villager 1: Gundams!  
  
Villager 2: Very small rocks.  
  
Villager 1: Lead! Lead!  
  
Villager 3: The Tokyo tower!  
  
Villager 1: Colonies!  
  
King Heero: A duck!  
  
[The crowd oohs and ahhs again]  
  
Duo: Exactly! So...  
  
Villager 2: If she weighs the same as a duck...she's made of wood...  
  
Duo: And therefore-  
  
Crowd: A witch! Burn!  
  
Villager 1: Well, who has a duck?  
  
[Everyone sweatdrops and shrugs]  
  
Villager 3: Can we burn her anyway?  
  
Duo: Well, all right.  
  
Crowd: Yay! Burn! Burn her!  
  
[King Heero goes up to Duo]  
  
Duo: Who are you that are so wise in the ways of science?  
  
King Heero: I am Heero, king of the bishonen.  
  
Duo: My liege!  
  
King Heero: Will you come with me to Camelot, and join us at the round table?  
  
Duo: I'd be honored.  
  
King Heero: What is your name?  
  
Duo: Duo, my liege.  
[Heero taps his sword on one of Duo's shoulders, then the other]   
King Heero: Then I dub you Sir Duo, knight of the round table.  
  
Narrative Interlude:  
  
[Mitsukai-hime is sitting inside a cozy living room, reading a thick book. She motions for the camera to focus in on it. You can now see the first page of the book, which has a large picture of Duo giving the v-sign.]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: The wise Sir Duo was the first to join King Heero's knights. But other illustrious names were soon to follow:  
  
[She turns to the next page of the book which has a picture of Trowa with no expression on his face]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: Sir Trowa the brave;  
  
[She turns the page again to a picture of Wufei angrily pointing his katana at the camera]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: Sir Wufie-  
  
Wufei's voice: IT'S WUFEI, ONNA!!   
  
Mitsukai-hime: the pure; and Sir Quatre,  
  
[Turns page to picture of Quatre running away from, well, something]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: the not-quite-as-brave-as-Sir-Trowa, who had nearly fought the Dragon of L5,  
  
[Turns page to picture of Quatre sweatdropping as a large chicken-shape shadow looms over him]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: who had nearly stood up to the vicious chicken of L4,  
  
[Turns page to picture of Quatre blushing]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: and who had personally wet himself in the middle of the Eve Wars;  
  
[turns page to picture of a pouting Tuxedo Kamen]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: And the aptly named Sir-not-appearing-in-this-fic. Together they formed a band whose names and deeds were to be retold throughout the decades: The Knights of the Round Table.  
  
*puts film on pause again* Well, I hope you enjoyed that. I'll write more later. Sorry, Quatre fans, but I thought he would make the perfect Sir Robin. Well, it was either him or Wufie-  
  
Wufei: Stupid onna! How dare you even think about casting me as a weakling. AND STOP CALLING ME THAT!! *starts chasing Mitsukai-hime with his katana*  
  
Mitsukai-hime: See! See what I mean! Stop that! Ow! You almost stabbed me! Well, until next time-  
  
Wufei: KISAMAAAA!  



	4. Part Quatre

Disclaimers:   
Mitsukai-hime: Kyaaaaaaaaaa!  
Wufei: Get back here!  
Mitsukai-hime: Only if you put down the katana!  
Wufei: Only if you stop calling me Wufie!  
Mitsukai-hime: Okay, Wu-man!  
Wufei: INJUSTICE!!!  
Heero: While Mitsukai and Wufei are-  
Wufei: I'LL KILL YOU!!  
Heero: *sweatdrops* busy, I've been asked to remind you that neither Gundam Wing or Monty Python's The Quest for the Holy Grail belong to-  
Mitsukai-hime: Oh screw it, Heero. Just press the play button! Quickly!  
Heero: Okay.  
  
Scene 7  
  
[All 4 knights and King Heero are riding along with their servants]  
  
Sir Duo: And that, my liege, is how we know the world to be banana-shaped.  
  
King Heero: This new learning is amazing. Explain to me again how sheep's bladder can be used to prevent your Gundam from rusting.  
  
Sir Duo: Oh, certainly, sir.   
  
Sir Wufei: Look!  
  
[Trumpets sound as the knights approach a large castle. Though from where the trumpets came from...]  
  
King Heero: Camelot!  
  
Sir Trowa: Camelot!  
  
Sir Wufei: Camelot!  
  
Patsy: It's only a model.  
  
King Heero: Shh! Knights, welcome to your new home. Let us ride to...Camelot!  
  
[Scene cuts to inside of the castle, where there are girls all over the place. The music starts up, and they begin singing]  
  
Fangirls:  
We're fangirls of the round table  
We glomp when ere we're able  
We do fanfics  
And other shticks  
With talent impeccable  
We dine well here in Camelot  
We eat chocolate pocky here a lot!  
  
[fangirls start dancing, knocking over things as they continue]  
  
Fangirls:  
We're fangirls of the round table  
Where sanity's questionable  
  
Mitsukai-hime:  
And many times  
My written lines  
Become quite unsingable  
  
Fangirls:  
We're bishie mad in Camelot  
We like to chase after them a lot!  
  
[Another musical interlude, with people playing percussion on the suits of armor]  
  
Fangirls:   
Oh we're cute and able  
Quite indefatigable   
Between our quests  
For bishie's chests  
We just watch a lot of cable!  
It's a busy life in Camelot-  
  
Zechs and Trieze:  
You have to run away a lot!  
  
[As the song finishes up, all the fangirls go into various poses stolen from magical girl shows. Then, they realize Zechs and Trieze are there and run after them, screaming]  
  
Zecs and Trieze: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!  
  
[Back to King Heero and the knights, who are sweatdropping profusely]  
  
King Heero: On second thought, lets not go to Camelot. It is a silly place.  
  
Knights: Right, right.  
  
Scene 7  
  
[King Heero and the knights are once again riding across the land. All of a sudden, the heavens boom, angels start singing, the clouds open up, and Mitsukai-hime pokes her head out. Everyone else kneels]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: Heero! Heero, king of the Bishonen! Oh, don't grovel!  
[The singing stops as everyone gets up]  
One thing I can't stand, it's people groveling.  
  
King Heero: Sorry!  
  
[Heavens boom again]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: And don't apologize! Every time I try to insert myself in a fic, it's 'sorry this', and 'forgive me' that and 'I'm not worthy'...  
[Another boom as she realizes no one's looking at her]  
Now what are you doing?  
  
King Heero: I'm averting my eyes.  
  
Mitsukai-hime: Well, stop it! Don't you want to admire my classic good looks?  
  
King Heero: *blushes*  
  
Mitsukai-hime: Now that's more like it! Heero, king of the Bishonen, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times.  
  
King Heero: Good idea!  
  
Mitsukai-hime: Of course it's a good idea! Behold!  
[Angels start singing again as an image of a shining gundam appears. Feel free to image your personal favorite here]  
Heero, this is the holy gundam. Look well, for it is your sacred task to seek this gundam. That is your purpose, Heero... to search for the holy gundam!  
  
[There is yet another boom as the angels stop singing and the image of the holy gundam fades into the clouds]  
  
Sir Trowa: A blessing! A blessing from the author!  
  
Sir Wufei: If not a redundant one...  
  
Cartoon interlude:  
  
Trumpets poke out of the clouds, as the music starts. Angels reel up an organ, and lift out of the scene. A picture of the chibi gundam boys pops up, then is covered by the rays of light that come out of it. Angels fly around playing trumpets as the title is reeled up reading:  
The Quest for the Holy Gundam  
  
*pauses the TV-again* Well, I finally got away from Wufei, but I better do this quickly. Thank you everyone who took the time to read the last three parts. However, I'd like you even more if you would review *cough*hint,hint*cough* or emailed me. Even though the stupid service has been acting screwy. Anyhoo, I'd also like to point out that I said there were 7 Monty python guys, when there were only six (and sadly, Graham Chapman passed away in 1989. I don't think any of the others are dead.) My bad! Ooh, I think I hear Wufei coming...  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	5. Part Wufei

Disclaimers: If you insult Wufei, he WILL come after you. And those katana-thingys hurt! Seriously, none of this belongs to me, except for the actual fic. Steal and die. And now, for the part you've all been waiting for- *let's play!*  
  
Scene 8  
  
[King Heero and co. ride up to yet another castle. Heero motions for everyone to slow down]  
  
King Heero: Hello! Hello!  
  
[An OZ soldier with a silly French accent (I warned you!) leans over the edge of the castle]  
  
OZ1: 'Ello? Who ees it?  
  
King Heero: I am King Heero, and these are my Knights of the Round Table. Who's caste is this?  
  
OZ1: This is zee castle of my master, Trieze Khushrenada!  
  
King Heero: Well, go tell Trieze that we have been charged by the Author with a sacred quest. If he will let us stay for the night, he can join us on our quest for the Holy Grail.  
  
OZ1: Well, I don't think he'll be very keen. You see, he's already got one.   
[He turns to the other soldiers in the castle and whisperes:]  
I told him we've already got one.  
  
OZzies: *evil French snickering*  
  
Sir Wufei: Nani?  
  
King Heero: He says they've already got one! *to OZ soldier* Eh, do you think we could come up and have a look?  
  
OZ1: No! You are colony types-a.  
  
King Heero: Well, what are you then?  
  
OZ1: We're French! Why do you think we have these outrageous accents-a?  
  
Sir Wufei: Well, then why are you here? This area belongs to the colonists!  
  
OZ1: Mind your own business!  
  
King Heero: If you won't let us in, we'll take the castle by force!  
  
OZ1: You don't frighten me, colonist pig-dogs! Go boil your Gundams over a silly person. I blow my nose at you, monsieur "Heero-king!"  
  
Sir Wufei: What a weakling.  
  
King Heero: Now see here-  
  
OZ1: I don't wanna talk to you no more, you miniscule-brained wipers of my bottom! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a mobile suit and your father smelt of gundam oil!   
  
King Heero: *major sweatdrop* Is there-is there someone else up there I could talk to?  
  
OZ1: No! Now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!  
  
King Heero: This is your last chance before I kill you!  
  
OZ1: *to other OZ soldiers* Fetche Lavache!  
  
OZ2: Quoi?  
  
OZ1: Fetche Lavache!  
  
King Heero: Now let us in before-  
[A cow is catapulted out of the castle and towards the knights]  
Christ! Now everyone! CHARGE!  
  
Knights: CHARGE!!  
  
[The knights run forward, swords drawn. The OZ soldiers catapult more farm animals onto the knights. They then switch to catapulting live birds, which rain down on the knights and Heero. They turn around and shout a line that would go down in history:]  
  
Knights and Heero: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!  
  
OZ1: pthhhhbt =P  
  
[King Heero and co. are now hiding behind a small hill]  
  
Sir Trowa: I'll kill them!  
  
King Heero: Wait, wait.  
  
Sir Duo: I have a plan...  
  
Scene 8 1/2  
  
[Focus on the OZ guard in the castle. You hear sawing, banging, thumping and finally squeaking noises, though there is nothing there. Finally, Patsy and the other knight's servants roll up a life-sized model of an Aries MS to the castle. The OZ soldiers look at it, then roll it inside the castle. We then see King Heero and co. hiding behind a small hill, looking at the castle, and whispering.]  
  
King Heero: Now what?  
  
Sir Duo: Well, now, Sir Trowa, Sir Wufei and I wait till nightfall, then jump out of the Aries, taking the OZ soldier totally by surprise, and completely unarmed!  
  
King Heero: *sweatdrops* WHO jumps out?  
  
Sir Duo: *also sweatdrops* Err...Sir Trowa...uh, Sir...Wufei, and... I...leap out of the Aries...  
  
[By now everyone is sweatdropping]  
  
King Heero: Hn.  
  
Sir Duo: Well, maybe if we made something like a giant badger...  
  
[everyone facevaults, except for King Heero, who smacks Sir Duo. All of a sudden, a *twong* is heard as the Aries is catapulted out of the castle towards everyone]   
  
Everyone: RUN AWAY! RUN AWAY!  
  
Scene 9  
  
Cameraman: Picture for schools, take 8.  
  
Mitsukai-hime: Action!  
  
A famous historian (or at least that's what the subtitles say...): Defeat at the castle seemed to utterly dishearten King Heero. The ferocity of the OZ soldiers-with-French-accents' taunting took him completely by surprises, and he realized he needed a new plan if the Gundam was to be found. Heero, after consulting his closest knights, decided that they should separate and search for the Gundam individually. Now this is what they did-ahhh!  
  
[A knight who looks suspiciously like Vegeta from Dragonball Z in a knights costume pops up, stabs the historian, than runs away]  
  
Historian's wife: Fred!  
  
Mitsukai-hime: Gundamnit, that's the third one this week...  
  
*pauses TV* Well, that's all for now! Thanks for reading. Now go review! I'm tired and I wanna glomp Heero...  
Heero:..... o.O  
Mitsukai-hime: ahh, the joys of having supreme authoress powers...  
*GLOMP!*  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	6. Part Zechs

Disclaimers: Da da da da da da! I am your singing telegram-  
*bang*  
Mitsukai-hime: Heero! She was supposed to do the disclaimer!  
Heero: Oops.  
Mitsukai-hime: I spent good money on that! And you know what that means!  
Heero: .  
*15 minutes later*  
Heero, who is now dressed up in the singing telegram lady's clothes: Duh...duh...da da  
Mitsukai-hime (with whip!): With passion!  
*crack*  
Heero: *singing* No matter how good the fic may be, it belongs to Mitsukai-hime. Steal it and dieeeeeee, but she doesn't own the Gundam guyyyyys! *muttering* omae o korosu...  
Mitsukai-hime: I love you too... *click!*  
  
Scene 10  
  
Mitsukai-hime: The tale of Sir Robin. So each of the knights went their separate ways. Sir Quatre rode north, through the forest of Jordan, accompanied by his favorite Mag-err, Minstrels.  
  
[We see Quatre riding through the forest, the minstrels following him. Before the minstrels start to sing, he passes a sign that says  
  
---Camelot 43  
Certain death 1--  
  
But no one sees it. Sir Quatre's minstrels start to play]  
  
Rashid: Bravely bold Sir Quatre rode forth from Camelot  
He was not afraid to die, O brave Sir Quatre  
He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways  
Brave brave brave brave Sir Quatre!  
  
He was not in the least bit scared to squished into a pulp  
Or to have his eyes gouged out, and his elbows broken  
To have his kneecaps split, and his eyebrows burned away  
And his limbs all cracked and mangled, brave Sir Quatre!  
  
His head smashed in and his heart cut out,  
His appendix removed and his bowels unplugged,  
And his nostrils raped and his bottom burned off  
And his peni-  
  
Sir Quatre: Ummm, that's enough for now guys...  
  
[Duo and Hilde pass the group, walking in the other direction as Quatre's group walk pass three knights skewered on a long spear. They don't notice this either...]  
  
Duo: Anarcho-syndicalism is a way of preserving the colony's freedom.  
  
Hilde: Oh Duo, forget about freedom. We haven't got enough mud.  
  
[Quatre and co. run into a huge giant knight with 3 heads. The left one looks like Dorothy the middle Lady Une, and the right Relena]  
  
All three: Halt! Who goes there?  
  
Rashid: *singing* He is brave Sir Quatre, brave Sir Quatre-  
  
Sir Quatre: Hush! N-n-n-no one, r-r-r-really. I'm j-j-j-just p-p-p-passing through.  
  
All three: What do you want?  
  
Rashid: *still singing* To fight and-  
  
Sir Quatre: Shut up! Umm...ooh...j-j-just to pass through, good Miss Knight.  
  
All three: I'm afraid not!  
  
Sir Quatre: W-w-w-well, I am a knight of the round table...  
  
Une-head: You're a knight of the round table?  
  
Sir Quatre: Well, yeah...  
  
Dorothy-head: Then I'm afraid I'll have to kill you.  
  
Une-head: Shall I?  
  
Relena-head: No, I don't think so.  
  
Une-head: Then what do I think?  
  
Dorothy-head: I think kill him.  
  
Relena-head: We shouldn't be fighting!  
  
Une-head: Oh, shut up.  
  
Sir Quatre: Perhaps I could-  
  
Dorothy-head: Oh yeah, you. Quick, get the sword out. I want to cut his head off.  
  
Relena-head: Oh, cut your own head off.  
  
Une-head: Why don't YOU?  
  
Dorothy-head: Yeah, do us all a favor.  
  
Relena-head: Nani?  
  
Dorothy-head: Yapping on about peace all the time...  
  
Une-head: You're lucky. At least you aren't next to her.  
  
Relena-head: What do you mean?  
  
Une-head: You snore!  
  
Relena-head: No I don't! And anyways, your breath stinks.  
  
Une-head: It's only cause you won't brush my teeth.  
  
Dorothy-head: Oh stop bitching. Let's go kill him.  
  
Relena-head: But I want to have tea!  
  
Une-head: All right, all right. We'll kill him, then go have tea.  
  
Relena-head: With biscuits.  
  
Dorothy-head: All right, but let's kill him first.  
[They look around, but Quatre and his minstrels have disappeared]  
He buggered off!  
  
Une-head: So he has. Well, let's have tea.  
  
[Cut to Quatre running away, his minstrels following him still singing]  
  
Rashid: Brave Sir Quatre ran away,  
  
Sir Quatre: No!  
  
Rashid: Bravely ran away, away!  
  
Sir Quatre: I didn't!  
  
Rashid: When danger reared it's ugly head, he bravely turned his tail and fled,  
  
Sir Quatre: No!  
  
Rashid: Brave Sir Quatre turned about, and gallantly he chickened out,  
  
Sir Quatre: I never!  
  
Rashid: Yes, bravely taking to his feet,  
  
Sir Quatre: All lies!  
  
Rashid: He beat a very brave retreat!  
  
Sir Quatre: No!  
  
Rashid: Bravest of the brave, Sir Quatre!  
  
Sir Quatre: I never!  
  
Scene 11  
  
[We see Sir Wufei walking through a thick wood in the pouring rain. He finally reaches a clearing with _another_ casle in it. However, this one has angels singing and a shiny vision of Shenlong over it. Wufei runs up to the castle and starts banging on the door]  
  
Sir Wufei: Open this door! Open this door! In the name of Nataku, open this door!  
[the door opens, and Wufei walks inside to see the castle filled with...anime babes! Poor Wu-wu...]  
  
Girls: Hello.  
  
'Saint' Une: Welcome, sir knight, to the castle Gainax.  
  
Sir Wufei: The castle Gainax?  
  
'Saint' Une: Oh, it's not a very good name, is it? But we are nice, and will attend to your every need!  
  
Sir Wufei: Are you the keepers of the Holy Gundam?  
  
'Saint' Une: The what?  
  
Sir Wufei: The Gundam, onna. Where is it?  
  
'Saint' Une: But you are tired, and must rest. Michiru? Setsuna?  
  
Michiru and Setsuna: Yes, Saint Une?  
  
'Saint' Une: Prepare a bed for our guest.  
  
Michiru and Setsuna: Oh, thank you! Thank you! Thank you!  
  
'Saint' Une: Away, away! The beds here are soft and _very_ big.  
  
Sir Wufei: Eep! Erm...uh, I-I-I...  
  
[Saint Une leads Wufei to his room]  
  
'Saint' Une: Oh, I'm afraid our life will seem boring compared to yours. We are but 8 score anime babes, cut off in this castle with nothing to do. Oh, it is a lonely life: bathing, dressing, undressing, making exciting underwear. We are not used to handsome knights. Nay, come, come. You may lie hear. Oh! You are wounded.  
  
Sir Wufei: It's nothing-nothing at all.  
  
'Saint' Une: Lie down, you must see the doctors!  
  
[She claps her hands as Wufei lies down. In comes Sally Po and Urd]  
  
Sally: What seems to be the problem?  
  
Sir Wufei: These onna are doctors?!  
  
'Saint' Une: Um, well, they've had the basic medical training...  
  
Sir Wufei: Get them away from me.  
  
'Saint' Une: Oh, come, come. You must try to rest. Doctor Sally, Doctor Urd, practice your art.  
  
Urd: Try to relax, sweety.  
  
[Urd and Sally lift Wufei's long shirt thingy. Oh hell, I don't know what it's called. Well, I can assure you Wufei's not wearing much under it...]  
  
Sir Wufei: There's nothing wrong with that!  
  
Sally: I _am_ a doctor!  
  
Sir Wufei: What about her?  
  
Urd: Uhh, yeah! Doctor. Right.  
  
Sir Wufei: Look! I swore to chastity so I could keep onna like you from doing this. If my Nataku-  
  
Sally: Get back to bed!  
  
Sir Wufei: Stop this torment and show me the Gundam!  
  
Urd: There's no grail here.  
  
Sir Wufei: I have seen it! I have!  
  
[Wufei jumps out of bed and runs through the castle, ending up in a room full of anime babes getting out of baths (you can't see anything, hentai!), eating, playing music, ect. He also sees Une there, but her hair is up in buns now]  
  
Girls: Hello! Hello. Hello.  
  
Sir Wufei: Une!  
  
Lady Une: Not exactly. That was my other personality, _Saint_ Une. I'm Lady Une.  
  
Sir Wufei: Oh, crud. Well, excuse me, but-  
  
Lady Une: And where do you think you're going?  
  
Sir Wufei: I seek the Gundam! I have seen it here!  
  
Lady Une: Oh bad, um, other personality of me! Bad, bad!  
  
Sir Wufei: Nani?  
  
Lady Une: She must have lit our beacon, which I just remembered was Gundam-shaped! It's not the first time this has happened.  
  
Sir Wufei: It isn't? Injustice!  
  
Lady Une: Oh bad alternate personality of me! We must be punished! And in this castle, we have but one punishment! You must tie her down to a bed and spank her!  
  
Girls: Spank her! Spank her!  
  
Chocolate and Tira Misu: And me!  
  
Girls: Ooh! And me! And me!  
  
Lady Une: Yes, you must give us all a good spanking! And after the spanking, the oral sex!  
  
Girls: The oral sex! The oral sex!  
  
Sir Wufei: *sweatdropping and blushing* Well, I suppose Nataku wouldn't mind if I stayed a little longer...  
  
[Sir Trowa and three other knights break into the castle and run up to Wufei]  
  
Sir Trowa: Sir Wufei!  
  
Sir Wufei: Oh hell, what do you want?  
  
Sir Trowa: Quickly! This way!  
  
Sir Wufei: Why?  
  
Sir Trowa: You are in great peril!  
  
Lady Une: No he isn't.  
  
Sir Trowa: Silence!  
  
Sir Wufei: You know, she has a point...  
  
Sir Trowa: Come on!  
  
Sir Wufei: No. Look, I can tackle them single-handedly.  
  
Girls: Yes! Let him tackle us single-handedly!  
  
Sir Wufei: Look, I can handle them easily!  
  
Girls: Yes, let him handle us easily!  
  
Sir Trowa: No. Quickly!  
  
Sir Wufei: Let me defeat them! There's only a hundred and fifty of them.  
  
Girls: Yes! We haven't got a chance!  
  
[Sir Trowa and the other knights finally pull Wufei out of the door]  
  
Lady Une: Oh, shit.  
  
[Outside the castle]  
  
Sir Trowa: we were in the nick of time. You were in great peril.  
  
Sir Wufei: No I wasn't.  
  
Sir Trowa: Yes you were.  
  
Sir Wufei: Well, let me try to handle the peril.  
  
Sir Trowa: No, it's too perilous.  
  
Sir Wufei: I bet you're gay.  
  
Sir Trowa: It's either that or incest.  
  
Sir Wufei: ..... *sweatdrop*  
  
[The picture of Trowa dragging Wufei along becomes a picture in Mitsukai-hime's book]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: Sir Trowa had saved Sir Wufei from almost certain temptation, keeping the fic at a lovely PG-13 rating. However, they were still no nearer the Gundam. Meanwhile, King Heero and Sir Duo shall be not a swallow's flight away, in the next section of this fic. Of course that's an unladen swallow's flight, obviously. I mean they would have been two swallows flights away -four really- if they had been carrying a coconut on the line between them. I mean, if birds were walking and dragging a coconut-  
  
Mob of angry knights: GET ON WITH IT!  
  
Mitsukai-hime: Oh, anyway. Next time we'll have scene 24, which is a smashing scene filled with lovely acting, in which Heero discovers a vital clue, and in which there aren't any swallows, but I think you can hear a starling-ooh!  
[She's carried away by the angry mob of knights]  
Oh well, until next time, write reviews! Please?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	7. Part Septem

Disclaimers: *In a dark elevator*  
Miki: If the chick cannot make its shell laugh, it will die without being born.  
Jury: The author is the chick, the readers are its shell.  
Touga: If the Author cannot make her readers laugh, she will die without finishing the fic.  
Mitsukai-hime: Oooh, Touga-chan! *glomp*  
Saionji: For the revolution of the reviews!  
Chuchu: Chu!  
Nanami: Eek! Get that rat off of me, Tsuwabuki!  
Utena: *sweatdrops* What exactly was the point of this, again?  
Wakaba: Utena, my love! *glomps Utena*Utena nearly falls out of elevator but lands on play button*  
  
Scene 12, er, 24  
  
[King Heero and Sir Duo are inside a messy hut. Dr. J is there, giggling maniacally]  
  
Dr J: Tee hee hee hee hee!  
  
King Heero: And this enchanter that you speak of, does he know where the Gundam is?  
  
Dr J: Tee hee hee hee!  
  
King Heero: Where is he?  
  
Dr J: Tee hee hee hee hee!  
  
King Heero: Where is he, old man!  
  
Dr J: Tee hee hee! He knows of a colony, a colony no man has entered!  
  
King Heero: Is that where the Gundam is?  
  
Dr J: There is much danger, for within the very center of the colony is the Gorge of Eternal General-Not-Safeness! A gorge no one has ever crossed!  
  
King Heero: Well, why would I care about that? What about the Gundam?  
  
Dr J: You seek the bridge of death!  
  
King Heero: No, I'm seeking the Gundam, you twit!  
  
Dr J: The Bridge of death...  
  
[Dr J starts fading away]  
  
King Heero: Eh. Ninmu ryoukai.  
  
Sir Duo: You never learn, do you?  
  
Scene 13  
  
[Heero and Duo are riding through the woods. All of a sudden the OM(TM)/ominous music starts up, so you know something bad is about to happen. All of a sudden-]  
  
Knights of Treize: Treize! Treize!  
  
King Heero: Who are you?  
  
Treize: We are the knights who say...Treize!  
  
Knight1: Treize!  
  
Heero: Not the knights who say Treize?  
  
Treize: The SAME!  
  
Sir Duo: The who?  
  
Treize: We are the keepers of the sacred words: Treize, glomp, and neee-whom!  
  
Knight2: Neee-whom!  
  
King Heero: Those who hear the words seldom live to tell the tale!  
  
Sir Duo: Like if someone sees a Gundam?  
  
King Heero: Exactly!  
  
Treize: And the knights of Treize demand a sacrifice!  
  
King Heero: But we-  
  
Treize: Treize!  
  
Knights of Treize: Treize! Treize! Treize!  
  
Heero and Duo: Ow! No! Stop it!  
  
Treize: We shall say 'Treize' to you again if you do not appease us!  
  
King Heero: Well, what do you want?  
  
Treize: We demand...a Taurus!  
  
Sir Duo: A what?  
  
Knights of Treize: Treize! Treize! Treize! Treize!  
  
Heero and Duo: Ow! Ahh!  
  
King Heero: All right, all right! We'll get you a Taurus.  
  
Treize: One that looks nice!  
  
Sir Duo: Okay.  
  
Treize: And isn't too expensive!  
  
King Heero: Hn.  
  
Treize: Now...go!  
  
Scene 14  
  
Mitsukai-hime: The tale of Sir Trowa.  
  
[We see Quatre and his father standing inside a castle, with two Maganacs guarding the door]  
  
Quatre's father: One day, son, all this will be yours!  
  
Quatre: What, the curtains?  
  
Quatre's father: Not the curtains! The colony, all that you can see. This'll be your kingdom.  
  
Quatre: But mother-  
  
Quatre's father: Mother's dead, son. I'm father.  
  
Quatre: But father, I don't want any of this.  
  
Quatre's father: Listen, lad. When I came here, all there was were hunks of metal. The alliance said I was daft to try to build a castle in space- so I did it, just to show them. It spontaneously combusted. _So_, I built a second one. It spontaneously combusted. So I built a third one. It burned down, fell over, then spontaneously combusted. But the forth one stayed up. And that's what you'll get, lad. The strongest castle in these colonies.  
  
Quatre: But I don't want any of this. I'd rather-  
  
Quatre's father: Rather what?!   
  
Quatre: I'd rather...break dance!  
[Break dancing music starts]  
  
Quatre's father: Now, stop that!  
[Music abruptly stops]  
You're not dancing while I'm here. Now listen! You're marrying a girl whose father owned the largest tracts of land on Earth!  
  
Quatre: But I don't want land!  
  
Quatre's father: Now listen, Iria-  
  
Quatre: I'm Quatre.   
  
Quatre's father: Quatre. We live in bloody space! We need all the land we can get!  
  
Quatre: But-but I don't like her!  
  
Quatre's father: Don't like her? What's wrong with her?! She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got _huge_... tracts of land.  
  
Quatre: But I want the girl that I marry to have something...special...  
[Music starts up again]  
  
Quatre's father: Cut that out!  
[Music stops]  
It's already bad enough you want to dance all the time. Look, you're marrying princess Dorothy, so get used to the idea! Guards! Make sure the prince doesn't leave the room until I come and get him.  
  
Rashid: Not to leave the room, even if you come to get him.  
  
Quatre's father: No, no, until I come to get him.  
  
Abdul: Hic!  
  
Rashid: Until you come to get him, we're not to enter the room.  
  
Quatre's father: No, you stay in the room to make sure he doesn't leave.  
  
Rashid: Until you come and get him.  
  
Abdul: Hic!  
  
Quatre's father: Right.  
  
Rashid: Just keep him from entering the room.  
  
Quatre's father: No, leaving the room.  
  
Rashid: Leaving the room.  
  
Quatre's father: Right?  
  
Rashid: Right.  
  
Abdul: Hic!  
  
[Quatre's dad starts to leave the room]  
  
Rashid: Oh-if-if-if-uh-if-um-if-  
  
Quatre's father: Look, it's quite simple.  
  
Rashid: Uh...  
  
Quatre's father: You just stay here and make sure he doesn't leave. All right?  
  
Abdul: Hic!  
  
Rashid: Right! Oh, now I remember. Can he leave the room with us?  
  
Quatre's father: No, no! Just keep him in here-  
  
Abdul: Hic!  
  
Rashid: Until you, or anyone else...  
  
Quatre's father: No, just me  
  
Rashid: Just you...  
  
Quatre's father: Get back.  
  
Abdul: Hic!  
  
Quatre's dad: And, uh, make sure he doesn't leave.  
  
Rashid: The prince?  
  
Quatre's father: Of course, the prince!  
  
Rashid: I thought you meant him. After all, it would be kinda daft for me having to guard him, him being a guard and all.  
  
Quatre's father: Is this clear?  
  
Abdul: Hic!  
  
Rashid: Oh, quite.  
  
[Quatre's dad starts to leave the room, and Abdul and Rashid follow]  
  
Quatre's father: Now what are you doing?  
  
Rashid: We're going with you.  
  
Quatre's father: No, no. I want you to stay _here_, and make sure he doesn't leave.  
  
Rashid: Oh, I see.  
  
Quatre: But father-  
  
Quatre's father: Shut your trap, you. And put that suit on!  
[Quatre's dad starts to leave when the music starts up again]  
And no break dancing!  
  
Abdul: Hic!  
  
Quatre's dad: Oh, go get a glass of water, you.  
  
*Cue shadow girls C-ko and Mitsukai-ko*  
  
C-ko: what are you doing here? This is MY segment!  
  
Mitsukai-ko: Author obligations. Plus, my disclaimer didn't really warn anyone and I just spent all my money on ordering Gundam Wing DVD's.  
  
C-ko: *now wearing lawyers suit* So remember, don't sue Mitsukai! She doesn't own Gundam Wing or Shojo Kakumei (Revolutionary girl) Utena.  
  
Mitsukai-ko: And that I will be very, very sad if you don't review right away.  
  
C-ko and Mitsukai-ko: Ja ne!   
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Part Otto

Disclaimers: Howdy ya'll! Here's the rest of Sir Trowa's bit. Oh yeah, blah blah Gundam Wing not mine. Happy? *hits the play button*  
  
Scene 15  
  
[We see Quatre in the castle. He shuffles over to a table, writes a quick note, ties it to an arrow, and shoots it out the window. Though Rashid is perfectly aware of this, he just stands there smiling. We cut to Sir Trowa and his faithful servant Catherine riding through the woods, crossing streams]  
  
Sir Trowa: Come Catherine, over we go! That's it!  
  
Catherine: Thank you, little bro.   
  
Sir Trowa: Come on!  
  
[all of a sudden, a arrow comes flying out of the sky and lands in Catherine]  
  
Catherine: Message for you, Trowa.  
  
Sir Trowa: Catherine! Catherine! Speak to me! 'to whoever finds this note: I have been imprisoned by my father, who wants me to marry against my will. Pppllleeeaassssssseee come and rescue me! I am imprisoned in L-4 castle' A sign! It could lead us to the Holy Gundam! Poor onee-san, you will not have died in vain!  
  
Catherine: Actually, Trowa, I'm not quite dead.  
  
Sir Trowa: Well, you won't have been mortally wounded in-  
  
Catherine: Actually, I think I'll be okay.  
  
Sir Trowa: ....  
  
Catherine: As a matter of fact, I think I'll come with you-  
  
Sir Trowa: No, no, I'll go get help after I complete a daring rescue in my own...  
  
Catherine: Idiom?  
  
Sir Trowa: .....  
[Sir Trowa rides away]  
  
Catherine: Well, then I'll just rest here, okay? All right.  
  
Scene 16  
  
[we get to see all of the castle that Quatre's being held in. Everyone, including all 38 Maganacs not guarding Quatre, is dressed up in flowers and singing and dancing. Dorothy has even gotten garlands hanging off her eyebrows *sweatdrop* Well, on to the two random guards standing outside the castle. We see Trowa running up to the castle, but he is still far away. Then we see the same exact thing, again...and again...and again...and aga-oh! Now he's reached the castle!]  
  
Sir Trowa: ....! *starts firing homing missiles at everyone*  
  
Everyone: Ahh! Ow!  
  
[Trowa then...runs out of missiles. So, now we're on gatling guns *y'know, like the ones in Heavyarm's chest* Trowa runs up the staircase, and into the room where Quatre is]  
  
Rashid: Now, you're not allowed in the room unless-ack!  
[Yes, Trowa shot him]  
  
Sir Trowa: Oh fair one, I am your humble servant Sir Trowa of Camelot. I have come-oh! Terribly sorry.  
  
Quatre: You got my letter!  
  
Sir Trowa: Uh...you see...  
  
Quatre: I knew someone would come...  
[Music starts up]  
  
Quatre's father: Stop that! Stop that! Who are you?  
  
Quatre: I'm your son!  
  
Quatre's father: Not you, you twit.  
  
Sir Trowa: I am Sir Trowa, sir.  
  
Quatre: He came to rescue me!  
  
Sir Trowa: *blush* .... *somewhere out there hundreds of Trowa fans sigh and murmur 'kawaii...'*  
  
Quatre's father: Well, did you kill all those Maganacs?  
  
Sir Trowa: Uhh...yeah...  
  
Quatre's father: I had to pay them fifty dollars overtime!  
  
Sir Trowa: I can explain...  
  
Quatre: Don't be afraid of him Trowa, I have a rope ready!  
[Quatre ties knotted up bed sheets to the bedpost and starts climbing out the window]  
  
Quatre's father: You killed eight wedding guests!  
  
Sir Trowa: You see, I thought your son was a lady...  
  
Quatre's father: Well, I can understand that!  
  
Quatre: Hurry, Sir Trowa!  
  
Quatre's father: Oh, shove it. You only killed the bride's father!  
  
Sir Trowa: Well, I didn't mean to...  
  
Quatre's father: Didn't mean to? You shot a homing missile straight through his chest!  
  
Sir Trowa: Oh dear. Is he okay?  
  
Quatre's father: You even kneed the bride! This is going to cost me a fortune!  
  
Sir Trowa: I can explain. You see, I was riding from Camelot, when I got this-  
  
Quatre's father: Oh! Are you from Camelot?  
  
Quatre: Hurry Sir Trowa! Come quick!  
  
Sir Trowa: Well, I am a knight of the round table...  
  
Quatre's father: I heard Camelot has a very nice castle...  
  
Sir Trowa: ....  
  
Quatre: I'm ready!  
  
Quatre's father: Would you like to have a drink with me?  
  
Sir Trowa: Well, that's very nice of you...  
[Quatre's dad takes a knife out of his pocket and cuts the rope Quatre's hanging off of, and we hear an 'eep' noise...]  
Being so understanding...  
[Then a 'splat' noise]  
  
Scene 17  
  
[Back to the main part of the castle, which is full of dead people, and the not-quite-dead-but-actually-might-pull-through-people, who are crying. Quatre's father and Sir Trowa come down the stairs.]  
  
Quatre's father: Well, this is the main hall. We're all going to have all this knocked through, and made into one big, uh, rumpus room.  
  
Random Guest: There he is!  
  
Quatre's father: Oh, bloody hell.  
[Trowa takes out his guns and starts shooting even more guests]  
Hold it! Stop! Stop it! Stop it now!  
  
Sir Trowa: Terribly sorry. See, I just get carried away...  
  
Guest: He killed the best man!  
[All the guests start yelling]  
  
Quatre's father: Hold it! Hold it, this is Sir Trowa from the court of Camelot. He's a very brave, and influential knight, and he's my special guest for today.  
  
Sir Trowa:.....  
  
Guest: He killed my auntie!  
[the guests start yelling again]  
  
Quatre's father: Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Lets not argue over who killed who. We are here to witness the holy bond of two people in wedlock. However, one of them, my son Quatre, has fallen to his death.  
  
Everyone: *gasp*  
  
Quatre's father: But I don't want to think I've lost a son, so much as...gained a daughter!  
[Everyone claps]  
For, since the tragic death of her father-  
  
Guest: Actually, he's not quite dead yet!  
  
Quatre's father: Well, since the near fatal wounding of her-  
  
Guest: He's getting better!  
  
Quatre's father: Well, since her own father, who, when near recovery, felt the icy grip of death upon him-  
  
Dorothy's father: Ugh!  
  
Guest: Oh, he's dead!  
  
Quatre's father: I want his only daughter, to look upon me as her father, in a very real, and legally binding sense.  
[Everyone applauds]  
And I feel sure that the merger-err, union, of the brave but psychotic, Sir Trowa-  
  
Sir Trowa: NANI?!  
  
Guest: Look! The dead prince!  
  
Guests: Ooh! The dead prince!  
  
Catherine: Actually, he's not quite dead.  
  
Quatre: Yeah, I feel much better.  
  
Quatre's father: You fell out of the tallest tower in the castle, you creep!  
  
Quatre: Well, I was saved at the last minute...  
  
Quatre's father: How?  
  
Quatre: Well, I'll tell you...  
  
[Music breaks out and Quatre starts to dance]  
  
Guests: *singing* He's going to tell! He's going to tell!  
  
Quatre's father: Not like that! Not like that! Be quiet!  
  
Guests: *singing* He's going to tell! He's going to tell!  
  
Quatre's father: Shut uuup!  
  
Guests: *singing* He's going to tell! He's going to tell!  
  
Quatre's father: Not like that!  
  
Guests: *singing* He's going to tell! He's going to tell!  
  
Catherine: This way, Trowa!  
  
Guests: *singing* He's going to tell about his great escape!  
  
Sir Trowa: No, Catherine, it's not good for my idiom!  
  
Guests: *singing* Oh, he fell a long, long way...  
  
Sir Trowa: I must escape more.....  
  
Guests: *singing* But he's here with us today!!  
  
Catherine: Dramatically?  
  
Sir Trowa: .....  
[Trowa grabs a rope that fell from the ceiling and starts swinging]  
  
Guests: *singing* What a wonderful escape!  
  
Sir Trowa: Could, uh, someone give me a push?  
  
*pause* Well, that's it for now! *grumbles* Stupid tests, teachers give me too much homework, mom trying to do work on the computer... well, I'll finish this fic one day. Until then, review! I love reviews =^_^=  
  
  
  
  



	9. Part Noin

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or MP's Quest for the Holy Grail. I'm reposting this because of technical errors.  
  
Trowa: No, its because you mixed up half the words  
  
Hush! No one needed to know that. Ooh! A distraction!  
  
Trowa: Where?  
  
Scene 18  
  
[Back to King Heero and Sir Duo, who have entered a small village. They 'ride' up to Sally, who is banging a cat against the wall]  
  
King Heero: Old crone! Is there anyone in this town where we could buy a Taurus?  
  
Sally: Who're you calling old?  
  
King Heero: Hn. Well, do you?  
  
Sally: Who sent you?  
  
King Heero: The knights who say 'Treize'.  
  
Sally: Oh! Nope. No Taurus here.  
  
King Heero: If you do not tell us where we can find a Taurus, we... will self destruct!  
[Sally shrugges. Duo whispers something in Heero's ear]  
Oh! I mean, we will say...Treize!  
  
Sally: Hmph. Do your worst!  
  
King Heero: Okay then... Treize!  
  
Sally: Nope. No Taurus.  
  
King Heero: Treize! Treize!  
  
Sir Duo: Troose! Troose!  
  
King Heero: No, no, no. It's Treize.  
  
Sir Duo: Troose?  
  
King Heero: No, Treize. You're not doing it right.   
  
Sir Duo: Troo...Treize!  
  
King Heero: Now you've got it.  
  
Heero and Duo: Treize! Treize! Treize!  
  
Howard: Are you saying Treize to that woman?  
  
[Heero and Duo turn around to see Howard sitting on a wall behind them]  
  
King Heero: Uh, yeah...  
  
Howard: What a sad time we live in when passing rebels can say Treize at will to old ladies.  
  
Sally: I'm not that old!  
  
Howard: There is a pestilence upon the land, nothing is sacred. Even those who arrange and design Taurus are under severe economic stress.  
  
King Heero: Did you say shrubberies?  
  
Howard: Yes, Taurus are my trade- I am a MS engineer. I design, arrange and sell Taurus.  
  
Sir Duo: Treize!  
  
King Heero: *clamps his hand over Duo's mouth* No! No, no, no, no!  
  
Scene 19  
  
[Heero and Duo are back in the forest with the knights of Treize. A large Taurus is now standing there]  
  
King Heero: Oh knights of Treize, we have brought you your Taurus.  
  
Sir Duo: May we go now?  
  
Treize: It is a good Taurus. I like the paint job a lot. But there is one small problem.  
  
King Heero: What?  
  
Treize: we are no longer the knights who say Treize. We are now the knights who say - Mariemeia-ecchi-echhi-IT'S-A-GUNDAM-ahh-kaboom-deku-deku.  
  
Random knight: Treize!  
  
Treize: Shhh! Therefore, we must give you a test!  
  
King Heero: What test is this, o Knights of- Who-up-until-recently-said-Treize?  
  
Treize: First, you must get us...another Taurus! *dramatic chord*  
  
Sir Duo: Aww, another?  
  
Treize: Then, when you have found another one, you must place it here, next to the other one, only slightly higher so you get a two-level effect with a path running down the middle, lined with roses.  
  
The knights formerly known as Treize's: A path, a path! Treize!  
  
Treize: And once you have found another Taurus, you must cut down the largest tree on the colony with...a teacup! *dramatic chord*  
  
King Heero: No, we won't.  
  
Treize: Oh, please?  
  
King Heero: Cut down a tree with a teacup? It can't be done!  
  
Knights formerly known as Treize's: Aah! Owie!  
  
Treize: Don't say that word!  
  
King Heero: What word?  
  
Treize: I can't tell, suffice to say is one the Knights of Treize cannot hear.  
  
Sir Duo: Well, we can't not say it if you won't tell us what it is.  
  
Knights formerly known as...hell, you know what I'm saying: Auuugh! Aaaah!  
  
King Heero: What, 'is'?  
  
Treize: Well, we couldn't get very far in life without saying 'is', could we?  
  
[Sir Quatre and his still singing minstrels ride up]  
  
Rashid: *singing*  
Packing it in and packing it up,  
And sneaking away and buggering off,  
And chickening out and running away,  
And running off home and going astray-  
  
Sir Duo: Oh! Quatre!  
  
Sir Quatre: My liege! Sir Duo! It's good to see you!  
  
Knights (yeah, those knights): Aaaaaah!  
  
Treize: He said the word!  
  
King Heero: Have you given up our quest already?  
  
Rashid: *singing* sneaking away, and buggering off-  
  
Quatre: Shut up! No, far from it!  
  
Knights: Aaaaaaah!  
  
Quatre: Uh, we're looking for it here, in this forest.  
  
Knights: Aaaaaaah!  
  
Treize: Stop saying the word!  
  
King Heero: Oh, shove it.  
  
Treize: Oh! He said it again.  
  
Knights: Aaaaaaaaah!  
  
King Heero: Patsy!   
  
[King Heero, Duo, Quatre and co. ride away]  
  
Treize: Oh! I said it! Oooh! I said it again!  
  
Knights: Aaaaaaaaah!  
  
Narrative interlude:  
  
Mitsukai-hime: And so Heero and Duo and Quatre set off to find the enchanter that Dr. J talked about in scene 24. Beyond the forest they met up with Trowa and Wufei-  
  
[We see the chibi Gundam boys running into each other. They wave around their little flags]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: And there was much rejoicing.  
  
Everyone: Wai!  
  
Mitsukai-hime: In the frozen land of Quayle, they were forced to eat Quatre's minstrels-  
  
[The chibis disappear into a cave and come out with big chibi bellies]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: And there was more rejoicing.  
  
Chibi G-boys: Wai! Wai!  
  
Mitsukai-hime: A year passed. Winter turned into spring.  
[We see the chibi Gundam boys covered with snow. It all of a sudden melts, and little leaves start to grow on the trees]  
Spring changed into summer.  
[The leaves grow bigger and the Gundam boys start sweating]  
Summer turned into winter.  
[It starts to snow again, and the sweat on the boys turn into icicles]  
And winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight to fall.  
[The leaves fall on top of the chibis]  
  
Chibi G-boys: Itai!  
  
Mitsukai-hime: Until one day...  
  
Scene 20  
  
[We see King Heero and co. riding through a rocky area. They see several explosions, and a man on top of a cliff causing them. They stop to look at him for a while, and then continue riding. All of a sudden, the man causes himself to explode, but then reappears in front of everyone]  
  
King Heero: What kind of a man are you, to cause explosions without ammo, or self destruct buttons?  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: I...am an enchanter.  
  
King Heero: By what name are you known?  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: There are some who call me...Zechs.  
  
King Heero: Greetings, Zechs the enchanter.  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: Greetings, King Heero.  
  
King Heero: You know my name?  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: I do.  
[he points his staff into the air, and fire shoots out of it]  
You seek the Holy Gundam.  
  
King Heero: It is our mission. You know much that is hidden, Zechs.  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: I do.  
  
[Zechs causes another explosion, and the knights clap]  
  
Sir Quatre: Oh, my.  
  
King Heero: Yeah, we're...our quest...we're looking for the Holy Gundam. Our Quest, is to find it.  
  
Knights: Oh yes. Yeah. It is. Yup, right. Yup.  
  
King Heero: And, uh, we're looking- we're looking for it.  
  
Sir Duo: Yes, we are.  
  
Sir Wufei: We have been for some time.  
  
Sir Quatre: Ages.  
  
Sir Trowa:.....  
  
Sir Duo: Yeah, we have.  
  
Sir Wufei: Hn.  
  
King Heero: So any thing you could...do to help...would be helpful.  
  
Knights: Oh, yeah. Definitely. Helpful.  
  
Sir Wufei: Look, could you tell us where-  
[Wufei runs up to Zechs, but there is an explosion at his feet and he runs behind Trowa]  
  
King Heero: Fine. I don't want to waste and more of your time. But, uh, could you, umm, tell us where to find...ah, find a...  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: A what?  
  
Sir Duo: A g-g- a g-g-g-  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: A Gundam?!  
  
King Heero: Uh, that's it.  
  
Sir Wufei: Yeah.  
  
Sir Duo: Uh-huh.  
  
Sir Quatre: Sounds right.  
  
Sir Trowa:.....  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: Yes?  
  
Sir Quatre: Oh. Thank you.  
  
Sir Duo: Yeah, thanks.  
  
Sir Wufei: Oh, fine.  
  
King Heero: Thank you.  
[Zechs makes more explosions]  
Now, I know you're a busy man...  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: Yes, I can help you find the Holy Gundam.  
  
Knights: Oh, thank you.   
  
Zechs the Enchanter: To the north there lies a cave, the cave of Cross-crushers, wherein, carved in mystic runes on the very living Gundamium, the last words of Odin Lowe of L1...make plain the last resting place of the most holy Gundam.  
  
King Heero: Okay, where's the cave?  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: Follow me. But only if you are men of valor, for the entrance of the cave is guarded by a beast so foul, so cruel that no man has ever fought with it and lived! Bones of fifty men lie strewn about its lair. So, brave knights, if you do doubt your courage or strength, come no further, for death awaits you with nasty, sharp, pointy teeth! *makes a face to demonstrate the monsters sharp pointy teeth*  
  
[Zechs walks away, and the knights shrug, and follow]  
  
Sir Duo: What an eccentric performance.  
  
What will happen next? Will they survive their encounter with the beast that has nasty, sharp, pointy, teeth? Will they ever actually find the Gundam? Will you go review my story? Will I ever shut up and write the next part of the fic? All your questions will be answered in the next, and final, part of this fic. Whoo-hoo!  
  
  



	10. Part Dekim

Disclaimers: I OWN GUNDAM WING! *whispers* dvd's. I don't own the actual Gundam Wing, Tactics by the Yellow Monkey (Rurouni Kenshin ending theme) or Monty Python's Quest for the Holy Grail. Also, this is the last part. That's right, no more after this *sob* but I'll always have stupid ideas for stupid fics! And as a going away fic gift, I'm giving away Quatre chibis! Everyone seems to want him. Also, stealing my fic and/or flaming me will result in your chibi being on zero. Well, here goes *play...sob...this'll be the last time I say this*  
  
Chronos: Whine, whine, whine.  
  
Quiet, muse! It's your fault this took so long to finish  
  
Chronos: Sure, blame everything on the muse! I did my part, but nooo-  
  
Scene 21  
  
[The knights follow Zechs. The servants start making whinnying noises]   
  
Sir Trowa: They're nervous, sire.  
  
King Heero: All right. Dis-mount!  
  
[The G-boys pretend to get off their horses. The continues walking, and Zechs stops them in front of a cave]  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: Behold, the cave of Cross-crushers!  
  
King Heero: Right. Keep me covered.  
  
Sir Duo: With what?  
  
King Heero: W- never mind.  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: Too late!  
  
[A dramatic chord strikes as they see a teddy bear sitting in the cave's entrance]  
  
King Heero: Nani?  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: There he is!  
  
King Heero: Where?  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: There!  
  
{Werewolf? _There_ wolf! Sorry, I couldn't resist}  
  
King Heero: What, behind the teddy bear?  
  
Zechs the enchanter: It is the teddy bear!  
  
King Heero: You stupid git!  
  
Zechs the enchanter: What?  
  
King Heero: You got us all worked up!  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: It's no ordinary teddy bear! It's the most foul, crude, bad-tempered plushie you set your eyes on!  
  
Sir Quatre: You twit! I soiled my armor, I was so scared!  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: Look, that teddy bear has got a vicious streak a mile wide! It's a killer!  
  
Sir Wufei: Screw you!  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: He'll get you good!  
  
Sir Trowa: Yeah, right.  
  
Sir Quatre: What does he do, get stuffing all over you?  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: He's got huge, sharp t- he can leap- look at the bones!  
  
King Heero: Go on, Otto. Cut his head off.  
  
[Sir Otto, who was with Trowa when he saved Wufei, goes forward to fight the teddy bear. All of the sudden it leaps at Otto, who soon dies in a bloody mess]  
  
King Heero: Christ!  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: I warned you!  
  
Sir Quatre: I done it again...  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: I warned you, but did you listen? Oh no, you knew it all, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little stuffed animal. Well, I always tell them, but-  
  
King Heero: Shut up!  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: Do they listen to me?  
  
King Heero: Omae o korosu! Knights!  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: Oh, no...  
  
King Heero: Charge!!  
  
Knights: Charge!!!  
  
[Everyone charges toward the teddy bear, who leaps up again and attacks the knights, who are frantically trying to avoid it]  
  
Knights: Aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh!  
  
King Heero: Run away! Run away!  
  
Knights: Run away! Run away!  
  
Zechs the Enchanter: Haw haw! *leaves*  
  
King Heero: How many did we lose?  
  
Sir Trowa: Otto.  
  
Sir Wufei: Trent.  
  
Sir Duo: Alex.  
  
King Heero: So that's six.  
  
Sir Trowa: Three, sir.  
  
King Heero: Three. We better not risk another frontal assault. That teddy bear's good.  
  
Sir Quatre: Would it help if we ran away more?  
  
King Heero: Oh, go change your armor.  
  
Sir Wufei: Maybe if we taunt it, it will become so cross it will make a mistake!  
  
King Heero: Like what?  
  
Sir Wufei: Uhh...  
  
Sir Trowa: Do we have buster rifles?  
  
King Heero: Nope.  
  
Sir Wufei: We have the holy self-destruction button.  
  
King Heero: Of course! The Self-destruction button of Wing Zero! It's one of the sacred relics Father Maxwell carries with him. Father Maxwell! Bring up the Holy Self-destruction button!  
  
[monks start singing as father Maxwell walks toward them.]  
  
Monks: Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia. {Roughly translates to 'wretched will be the injustices of women, justice is everything.' Go Latin! Whoo-hoo!}  
Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia.   
Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia.   
Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia.   
Miseri erant feminarum inurias, ius est omnia.  
  
King Heero: Um, does it work?  
  
Sir Trowa: I know not, my liege.  
  
King Heero: Consult the book of armaments!  
  
Father Maxwell: Book of Armaments, chapter two, verses five to twenty-one.  
  
Sister Helen: And Saint Hee-chan raised the Holy Self-destruction button up on high, saying, 'Oh Lord, bless this thy self-destruction button that with it thou mayest blow me and my Gundam to smithereens, in thy mercy.' And the Lord did grin, and the people did feast upon the cows, and sloths, and shrimp, and artichokes, and naked mole rats, and Lucky Charms (TM), and wombats, and large ch-  
  
Father Maxwell: Um, you can skip a bit.  
  
Sister Helen: And the lord spake, saying, 'First, thou shalt press the holy button. Then, thou shalt count to three. No more, no less. Three shall be the number you shall count, and the number of counting shall be three. Four shalt thou not count, nor either count thou two, lest that thou then proceed to three. Five is right out. Once the number three, being the third number, be reached, then lobbest thou thy holy self-destruction button of Wing Zero towards thy foe, who being naughty in my sight, shall also snuff it.'  
  
Father Maxwell: Amen.  
  
All: Amen.  
  
King Heero: Right. *presses button* One, two six!  
  
Sir Trowa: Three, sir.  
  
King Heero: Three!  
[Heero throws the self-destruction button at the teddy bear. Both Heero and the teddy bear explode, but of course Heero is perfectly fine. Not even a rip in the spandex...]  
Kuso! Why can't I self-destruct?  
  
Scene 22  
  
[Everyone, including Father Maxwell, walk through the cave. They stop at a wall that has writing on it]  
  
King Heero: There! Look!  
  
Sir Trowa: What does it say?  
  
Sir Wufei: What language is it in?  
  
King Heero: Father Maxwell, you're a scholar.  
  
Father Maxwell: It's L-oneic!  
  
Sir Duo: Of course! Odin of L1!  
  
Father Maxwell: It says, 'Here may be found the last words of Odin Lowe of L1. He who is valiant and pure of spirit may find the Gundam at the castle of annnnnooooooo'  
  
King Heero: Nani?  
  
Father Maxwell: 'The castle of annnnnooooooo'.  
  
Sir Trowa: What's that?  
  
Sir Duo: He must have died while carving it.  
  
Sir Wufei: Oh, come on.  
  
Father Maxwell: That's what it said.  
  
King Heero: Look, if he was dying, he wouldn't bother to carve ano. He'd just say it!  
  
Father Maxwell: Well, that's what's carved in the rock!   
  
Sir Duo: Maybe he was dictating.  
  
King Heero: Oh, shut up. What else does it say?  
  
Father Maxwell: Nothing. Just 'annnnnooooooo'.  
  
Sir Wufei: Annnnnooooooo.  
  
King Heero: Annnnnooooooo.  
  
Sir Duo: Do you think he meant laaaammmoooooozzzzeeee?  
  
Sir Trowa: Isn't there a Saint Aaaaaauuuvvves in Cornwall?  
  
Sir Wufei: No, that's Saint Ives.  
  
Sir Trowa: Oh, yeah. Iiiiiivvvveeeesss.  
  
Knights: Iiiiiivvvveeeesssss.  
  
Sir Duo: Oooohhohohooohh!  
  
Sir Wufei: No, that's ano. Aaaannnnoo, at the back of the throat. Ano.  
  
Sir Duo: No, no, no, no. 'Ooooh', in surprise and alarm.  
  
Sir Wufei: Oh, you mean sort of an 'aaaah'.  
  
Sir Duo: Yes, but- Aaaaaaahhhh!  
  
King Heero: Oooh!  
  
Sir Trowa: My god!  
  
[A huge animated monster pops up behind the knights]  
  
Father Maxwell: It's the legendary puce beast of Ano!  
[The monster eats Father Maxwell]  
  
Sir Duo: That's it!  
  
Knights: Run away! Run away!  
  
[The knights go SD and start running away. They get away from the monster]  
  
Knights: Shh. Shh.  
  
Sir Duo: We've lost it.  
  
[The monster pops up and roars, and it starts chasing the SD Gundam boys]  
  
Knights: Ahh!  
  
Mitsukai-hime: As the hideous puce beast lunged forward, escape from the monster seemed hopeless. Suddenly, the animator suffered from writer's cramp.  
  
[We see Chronos drawing at a board, when his hand cramps up. He grabs it, falling out the chair]  
  
Chronos: I'm ok-ay...  
  
[The puce beast fades away]  
  
Mitsukai-hime: The cartoon peril vanished. The quest for the Holy Gundam could continue.  
  
Scene 23  
  
[The Gundam boys are now walking along a cliff. You can see a creaky bridge hanging in the distance]  
  
Sir Wufei: There it is!  
  
Sir Quatre: Oh, great.  
  
King Heero: Look! It's Dr. J, from scene 24!  
  
Sir Duo: What is he doing here?  
  
King Heero: He is the keeper of the bridge of death. Each traveler must answer six que-  
  
Sir Trowa: Three, sir. And how do you know this?  
  
King Heero: Three questions. He who answers the six-  
  
Sir Trowa: Three.  
  
King Heero: Three questions may cross safely.  
  
Sir Quatre: What if you answer wrong?  
  
King Heero: Then you are cast into the gorge of general-not-safeness.  
  
Sir Quatre: Oh, I don't want to go.  
  
Sir Duo: Who's going to answer the questions?  
  
King Heero: Sir Quatre!  
  
Sir Quatre: Yes?  
  
King Heero: Brave sir Quatre, you go.  
  
Sir Quatre: Hey, I've got a great idea. Why doesn't Trowa go?  
  
Sir Trowa: .....  
  
King Heero: Well, try to answer the six-  
  
Sir Trowa: Three.  
  
King Heero: Three questions as best you can.  
  
Sir Trowa: I understand.  
  
King Heero: Good luck, Trowa. May the author be with you.  
  
[Trowa walks up to the bridge and Dr. J]  
  
Dr. J: Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three, if you want to get by me.  
  
Sir Trowa: Okay.  
  
Dr. J: What- is your name?  
  
Sir Trowa: Sir Trowa of Camelot.  
  
Dr. J: What- is your quest?  
  
Sir Trowa: To seek the Holy Gundam.  
  
Dr. J: What- is your favorite Gundam?  
  
Sir Trowa: Heavyarms custom.  
  
Dr. J: Right. Off you go.  
  
Sir Trowa: Oh. Uh, thank you.  
  
Sir Wufei: that's easy!  
  
[He runs up to the bridge]  
  
Dr. J: Stop! Who would cross the bridge of death must answer me these questions three, if you want to get by me.  
  
Sir Wufei: Hn. Get on with it.  
  
Dr. J: What- is your name?  
  
Sir Wufei: Sir Wufei of Camelot.  
  
Dr. J: What- is your quest?  
  
Sir Wufei: To seek the Holy Gundam.  
  
Dr. J: What- is the capitol of Kazakhstan?  
  
Sir Wufei: Nata- wait. I don't know that-aaaaaaaahhhhh!  
  
[Wufei is thrown into the pit of general-not-safeness, and Quatre comes up]  
  
Dr. J: Stop! What- is your name?  
  
Sir Quatre: Sir Quatre of Camelot.  
  
Dr. J: What- is your quest?  
  
Sir Quatre: I seek the Holy Gundam.  
  
Dr. J: What- is your favorite Gundam?  
  
Sir Quatre: Sandrock- no! Sandrock custom! Aaaaahhhhh!  
  
[Quatre is thrown into the pit, and Heero and Duo come up]  
  
Dr. J: What- is your name?  
  
King Heero: It is I, Heero, king of the bishonen!  
  
Dr. J: What- is your quest?  
  
King Heero: I seek the Holy Gundam!  
  
Dr. J: What- is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?  
  
King Heero: What, African or European?  
  
Dr. J: Nani? I don't know that! Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!  
  
[Dr. J is thrown into the pit. Heero and Duo shrug, and start heading across the bridge]  
  
Sir Duo: How do you know so much about swallows?  
  
King Heero: You've got to know these things when you're a bishonen.  
  
[The ominous music starts up again as Heero and Duo cross the bridge. All of a sudden, the music stops, the screen goes blank, and a SD Mitsukai-chan and Chronos-chan pop up. Chronos-chan starts waving around a sign that says 'Intermission' as Mitsukai-chan starts dancing and singing]  
  
SD Mitsukai-chan: Hageshiku Lady! Ah give me your love! Ayashiku Lady! I need your love! Tama ni- ooh!  
  
[SD Mitsukai-chan and Chronos-chan pop back out, and the fic continues as if nothing happened]  
  
Scene 24, version 2  
  
[Heero and Duo make it across the bridge and start walking around looking for Trowa]  
  
King Heero and Duo: Trowa! Trowa! Trowa!  
[cut to Trowa being arrested]  
Trowa! Trowa! Trowa!  
  
[They continue walking, and find a huge lake with a Cancer MS at the edge. They shrug, and ride across in it. Finally, they make it to an island, where a castle stands. Angels start singing as Heero says:]  
  
King Heero: The castle annnnooo. Our quest is at an end. Author be praised! *kneels* Oh author, we thank thee that thou hast led us to the most holy-  
[A sheep is catapulted out of the castle]  
Holy crap!  
  
OZ1: 'Allo, daffy colonist k-niggets and monsieur Heero king, who has zee brain of a mobile doll, you know! It seems we OZ folks outwit you a second time!  
  
King Heero: How dare you profane this sacred place with your presence! I command you, in the names of the Knights of Camelot, to open the doors to this caslte, to which the author herself has guided us!  
  
OZ1: How you colonists say, 'I one more time, mac, shoot my homing missiles in your direction!' So, you think you can outwit us OZ folks with your silly knees bent, running about advancing behavior? I wave my mobile suit's spare parts at your uncles, you sappy lot of second hand electric Gundam-bottom biters.  
  
King Heero: We demand entrance into this castle!  
  
OZ1: No chance, colonist cockpit-wetting types. I aim my buster rifles at you and call your door-opening request a silly thing, you tiny-brained wipers of other people's bottoms!  
  
King Heero: If you do not open this castle by force, we will-  
[MS fuel is dumped on his head]  
In the name of-  
[more fuel is dropped]  
  
OZies: *more evil French snickering*  
  
King Heero: That settles it!  
  
OZ1: Yes, depart at this time, and cut the approaching any more or we fire bullets at the top of your heads and make satellites out of your spare parts! Hehehe!  
  
King Heero: Walk away. Just ignore them.  
  
OZ1: And remain gone, illegitimate bugger-folk! If you though you got a nasty taunting this time, you ain't heard nothing yet, daffy colony kniggets! Thppppt! =P  
  
OZies: *All taunting*   
  
[Heero and Duo go back across the water, into a broad plain]  
  
King Heero: We shall attack at once!  
  
Sir Duo: Hai!  
  
King Heero: Stand by for attack!  
[All of a sudden, tons of rebel soldiers come marching out of nowhere. They line up behind Heero and Duo]  
OZ persons!  
  
OZies: *still taunting* ...Daffy...!  
  
King Heero: Today the blood of many a knight shall be avenged. In the name of the author-  
  
OZies: Ha ha ha ha ha ha!  
  
King Heero: OMAE O KOROSU!  
  
OZies: Ha! Ha! Ha?  
  
King Heero: Charge!  
  
Army of knights: Wai!  
  
[They are about to run forward, when a police car comes up and stops them]  
  
Historian's wife: They're the ones! I'm sure!  
  
Inspector: Come on, everyone who's armed must go, too.  
  
Officer: Come on, stay back.  
  
Historian's wife: Arrest that one. *points to Heero*  
  
Inspector: Put this man in the van.  
  
Officer: Okay. Back.  
  
[they turn to the camera]  
  
Inspector: Run along, run along.  
  
Officer: Pull that off. That's an offensive weapon, that is.  
  
Inspector: All right sonny, that's enough.  
  
[he puts his hand over the camera, shoving it back]  
  
Chronos: Christ!  
  
*everything fuzzes out*  
  
Well, that's it *sniffles* I miss it all ready.  
  
Chronos: You coming to the cast party, or are you going to cry there all night?  
  
I'm coming, I'm coming. But first, the thank yous!  
  
A big arigato to-  
  
Kimeko Hoshi, who helped with the editing of the story. ^^; Yes, there were a lot of stupid errors in here that she helped fix.  
  
Chrysyslis Maxwell, who offered to post my fic on her site! Check it out at http://babblefishdomain.homestead.com/DDH.html ^_^ spiffy!  
  
And everyone who read and reviewed my fic! Quatre chibis for all! So, until next time-  
  
Chronos: Let's party!  
  
  
  
  
  
  



End file.
